I cast into one pan of the scales "Making Mamma unhappy", "risking not being able to go on the Champs-Elysées", and into the other, "Jansenist pallor", "Solar myth", until the words themselves grew dark and clouded in my mind's vision, ceased to say anything to me, lost all their force; and gradually my hesitations became so painful that if I had now decided upon the theatre it would have been only that I might bring them to an end, and be delivered from them once and for all.